Sometimes people stand up for what they think is right, and sometimes they’re forced back down.

When colleagues and I challenged administration, we did so because we believed in our cause. We believed that we had earned enough reputation and honor within our gold-painted titles that we fought against “the man” who actually just hid behind firewalls. And we lost.

I lost, maybe more than most of my colleagues. You see, I was one of the people not at the benefit of being post-contract and I felt I couldn’t be fired. I was probably right, but I was put into a tough position of either being openly and independently defiant or accepting anything and everything instructed of me. Since I wanted neither of those two possibilities, I chose to resign and look for another job.

Unfortunately, it was after the hiring period. Unfortunately, it was my confidence that put me in this position. I remember the words of some of my colleagues: “You may want to put out your resume, just in case.” I said I wouldn’t because of some extenuating circumstances. “Besides,” I said, “I’m still a man of faith and believe I can outlast the administration.”

How crass. How dumb.

And now I have no choice to be humbled. Since I began my late search for a job, most of the jobs where I would fit right in and be most comfortable were closed to me. I did land two interviews: one at an elementary school where I was reminded in the interview that I am expected to say “yes” every time even if I disagree and the other at a university.

Both jobs were far away. The elementary school was a 90-minute one way commute. The university was not much shorter.  In the end, the elementary school told me they would let me know later and the university said that they made an offer to others not named Me.

Next week I have two more interviews scheduled. One is for kindergarten, but it is close, maybe a 20-minute commute. The other is for an army academy, a long train commute unless I buy a car. Right now, I have no idea if I CAN teach kindergarten. I’ve been thinking about what to do for the sample lesson, and I cannot think of much since I have very little experience around children in an educational capacity.

So, I am now humbled. Before I was confident that I could get just about any job with my qualifications. Now, I am not so sure. I fought the man, and I lost. People are aware of that, and it makes them wary about me. Even if I know that I will commit to the students and give my best in the classroom, I have come to learn through various experiences that administration expects that part from you. It’s what you do outside of the classroom that matters to them. And for that, I have to find something to offer to be successful in education. Just right now, I don’t know what that “something” is.