Of all the things to misplace, it was the one thing I most wanted to seek from last year: my letter to self. It’s around here somewhere, quaking in a corner and hoping that I cannot find it. To find it means the end of the year and the true beginning of the new.

Well, I won’t focus on what I wanted to accomplish, but what I did. Of course, anyone who has followed my short renewing of my blog knows that I started dating someone and got engaged, so that goes into my future tidings.

I also traveled for six weeks of the year. Three of those weeks were my sunny winter vacation on the coast of Pacific Ocean in The Philippines. The other three consisted of an elongated visit to Louisiana in what I anticipated would be the single longest visit I will ever make. More details of future visits to come later.

At the start of 2009 I had a girlfriend. I thought I might fall in love with her one day. To be fair, I put out the effort to want to love her, but it was not coming. No matter how much I tried to will myself through sheer logic that I wanted to make it work, I was not truly in love. Yes, I cared about the woman, but I knew deep down that I did not love her.

In January, she asked that we “take a break” from our relationship. “It’s not breaking up, but it kind of is,” she said. I agreed that taking a break would be OK with me. After a not-so-pleasant New Year’s Eve celebration, I was not happy in our relationship and thought that it may renew her desire for me and mine for her. As it turned out, only one of those two were true.

In February, I flew off to the Philippines for a relaxing vacation where I was going to “recover.” When I first began the vacation, I was determined that I would find a way to get us back together. However, all of those hung-over mornings on the beach led to me thinking a lot about what I wanted, and I realized that I wanted something more than where I was in the relationship. When I thought about it, I realized that she determined everything in the relationship and that I was just along on the ride. Then I got pissed. Then, after interacting with the island girls, I got over her.

But things could not be that simple. In just a very short time, I became very lonely. Grievingly lonely. No, I didn’t get back together with my ex-girlfriend, but I thought about it many times. She had come to the conclusion—especially after I informed her that I had lost interest—that she wanted me more than anything. She would even go anywhere in the world with me, do anything I asked. I declined. I was lonely, but she wouldn’t cure me of that.

Half of 2009 was lonely. The second half was fulfillment. After I was set up with Fiona Treelover, I entered a dream state. I was never happy in a relationship, which always prevented them from progressing very far, which, thankfully, meant that I never married. There is no worse feeling than knowing soon into a relationship that it’s not the right one, but sticking with it hoping it changes. I can’t imagine what people who go through a marriage in that situation must feel on a daily basis. Anyway, I was always capable of finally prying myself away or just getting the boot. Now, I can see why I wasted much more time than I should have in a relationship. My 2009 went from a huge frown to a gigantic smile during a single outdoor barbecue. I know now what (or whom) not to take for granted.

And now on to 2010 because my personal resolutions will be focused on the biggest event of my life so far with some hopeful other big events to put a few dozen cherries on top of this year’s cake.

The first resolution is to work hard to be a good man to the woman I love. I will not take her for granted. Yes, many people say that, but I worship her and could not stand losing the one person I’ve ever met about whom I could say, “Yes, she is definitely my soul mate. Everything about her personality is what I consider to be my perfect woman.” The year will be highlighted, then, by our marriage, planned for the summer of this year.

The second resolution is to work hard to improve myself in self: spirit, body, and mind, in no particular order. I want to work towards truly loving my fellow man, myself, and my God. Also, though I am much lighter than I was two years ago, I still could stand to lose another 10 kilograms (over 20 pounds) to move my BMI from “overweight” to “normal.” Then I could look in the mirror and be proud. And finally, I want to continue to improve my mind through reading and puzzles and contemplating.

The third resolution is to work hard to succeed. I can say that I am successful in life. I certainly have no regrets at this point in time where I am. But there can always be improvements. When I begin something, I should finish it. That includes and primarily should be geared towards my writing. This fall/winter I have worked on quite a few short stories. Some of those are a completed draft. Others were abandoned right in the middle. NONE are complete, and I want to work more towards actually finishing them before beginning others. If it takes re-reading the same story twenty-five times in a row, I still need to put in the effort to finish what I started.

These are my resolutions for 2010. They are a little late, but I didn’t mark overcoming procrastination as a resolution. That would be a resolution I know I couldn’t keep.

Happy New Year all!