Of all the things to misplace, it was the one thing I most wanted to seek from last year: my letter to self. It’s around here somewhere, quaking in a corner and hoping that I cannot find it. To find it means the end of the year and the true beginning of the new.
Well, I won’t focus on what I wanted to accomplish, but what I did. Of course, anyone who has followed my short renewing of my blog knows that I started dating someone and got engaged, so that goes into my future tidings.
I also traveled for six weeks of the year. Three of those weeks were my sunny winter vacation on the coast of Pacific Ocean in The Philippines. The other three consisted of an elongated visit to Louisiana in what I anticipated would be the single longest visit I will ever make. More details of future visits to come later.
At the start of 2009 I had a girlfriend. I thought I might fall in love with her one day. To be fair, I put out the effort to want to love her, but it was not coming. No matter how much I tried to will myself through sheer logic that I wanted to make it work, I was not truly in love. Yes, I cared about the woman, but I knew deep down that I did not love her.
In January, she asked that we “take a break” from our relationship. “It’s not breaking up, but it kind of is,” she said. I agreed that taking a break would be OK with me. After a not-so-pleasant New Year’s Eve celebration, I was not happy in our relationship and thought that it may renew her desire for me and mine for her. As it turned out, only one of those two were true.
In February, I flew off to the Philippines for a relaxing vacation where I was going to “recover.” When I first began the vacation, I was determined that I would find a way to get us back together. However, all of those hung-over mornings on the beach led to me thinking a lot about what I wanted, and I realized that I wanted something more than where I was in the relationship. When I thought about it, I realized that she determined everything in the relationship and that I was just along on the ride. Then I got pissed. Then, after interacting with the island girls, I got over her.
But things could not be that simple. In just a very short time, I became very lonely. Grievingly lonely. No, I didn’t get back together with my ex-girlfriend, but I thought about it many times. She had come to the conclusion—especially after I informed her that I had lost interest—that she wanted me more than anything. She would even go anywhere in the world with me, do anything I asked. I declined. I was lonely, but she wouldn’t cure me of that.
Half of 2009 was lonely. The second half was fulfillment. After I was set up with Fiona Treelover, I entered a dream state. I was never happy in a relationship, which always prevented them from progressing very far, which, thankfully, meant that I never married. There is no worse feeling than knowing soon into a relationship that it’s not the right one, but sticking with it hoping it changes. I can’t imagine what people who go through a marriage in that situation must feel on a daily basis. Anyway, I was always capable of finally prying myself away or just getting the boot. Now, I can see why I wasted much more time than I should have in a relationship. My 2009 went from a huge frown to a gigantic smile during a single outdoor barbecue. I know now what (or whom) not to take for granted.
And now on to 2010 because my personal resolutions will be focused on the biggest event of my life so far with some hopeful other big events to put a few dozen cherries on top of this year’s cake.
The first resolution is to work hard to be a good man to the woman I love. I will not take her for granted. Yes, many people say that, but I worship her and could not stand losing the one person I’ve ever met about whom I could say, “Yes, she is definitely my soul mate. Everything about her personality is what I consider to be my perfect woman.” The year will be highlighted, then, by our marriage, planned for the summer of this year.
The second resolution is to work hard to improve myself in self: spirit, body, and mind, in no particular order. I want to work towards truly loving my fellow man, myself, and my God. Also, though I am much lighter than I was two years ago, I still could stand to lose another 10 kilograms (over 20 pounds) to move my BMI from “overweight” to “normal.” Then I could look in the mirror and be proud. And finally, I want to continue to improve my mind through reading and puzzles and contemplating.
The third resolution is to work hard to succeed. I can say that I am successful in life. I certainly have no regrets at this point in time where I am. But there can always be improvements. When I begin something, I should finish it. That includes and primarily should be geared towards my writing. This fall/winter I have worked on quite a few short stories. Some of those are a completed draft. Others were abandoned right in the middle. NONE are complete, and I want to work more towards actually finishing them before beginning others. If it takes re-reading the same story twenty-five times in a row, I still need to put in the effort to finish what I started.
These are my resolutions for 2010. They are a little late, but I didn’t mark overcoming procrastination as a resolution. That would be a resolution I know I couldn’t keep.
Happy New Year all!
Debbie said:
Good luck on the goals you have set. I’m over setting them..lol I usally disappoint myself and others. I have decided to just wing it. Definitely lacking in motivation. Maybe I can ask for that for Christmas this year. THEN try to set forth some goals. Then again, think I’m going to wait till Chunky goes to school in 2011. Some how she has molded, shaped and manipulated my life to bend and curve as she sees fit. And for some odd reason she still resembles you in facial features at times, and sounds like Kelli when she was little.
Chunk and I actually went sit and visit with your mom for a while the other day. Actually enjoyed it.
Good luck with the writing. Think I’m going to grab a pen and paper soon myself. But I will be making notes on Dawn Marie and some of the very very odd things she says. Maybe I can send them to you and you can write about that..lol Would make for damn good reading. You would definitely have to prove it was non-fiction.
As for the description of me..hmmm.
Hello there Fiona. Welcome to our world. Buckle up, enjoy the ride. I’m Debbie, Lee’s wonderfully amazing oldest cousin! Not only the oldest, I am also the most fabulous first female child born! Yes, I own that, and proud of it. I am the second most intelligent there is out of all the children, Lee of course owning first prize to that statement. I can read what he writes, comprehend majority. The rest is just a google away..lol I am an outcast in my immediate family circle, because they are intimidated by my mentality, and my blinding beauty(*). My humor keeps them on edge, and my foul mouth at a safe distance predetermined by me. My statuesque height, ravishing(*) looks, svelte(*) figure, and luxurious(*) hair(*)…sets me as the matriarch of my domain!! I also have a vivid imagination! (and a huge book of adjectives) I am 37, happily (most of the time) married to my childhood sweetheart, and the mother of 4 beautiful, behavior challenged children. I have the wonderful opportunity to be a stay-home mom. That reign will end Aug. of 2011. I’ve yet decided if I will concentrate on learning the family business, or enroll in college. (Or both if I’m feeling frisky enough) I am fun, honest and wonderful to be around! I am a practicing drinker, and failing miserably. I love me some football, yet other sports bore me to death. I love to read. ANYTHING! There is no method to that madness. It has words, I will read it. I can talk just about anything. If I’m not knowlegable on it, I’ll make something up..lol This is me. I am complex.
DISCLAIMER: Anything marked with * is absolute fiction.
Looking forward to meeting you this summer. Congratulations on your engagement. I wish you a lifetime of bliss and a happily ever after. Lee is a wonderful man. I truly believe he will do right by you and your heart. I’m glad to see FINALLY that he now knows love is out there, for him..that it does exist. Till we meet….
Holla!
koreafied said:
Deb, I love your introduction of yourself. That can be a good call to anyone else. Fiona Treelover would love it!
Angie Hebert said:
Wow. Do all of our resolutions begin with mind, body, and spirit. Although yours are in no particular order, my goal is to balance them all and be perfect by the beginning of next year. I’m pretty close already I think.
Congratulations on the engagement. It isn’t often that a person finds another who truly complements them. I’m glad that you realize how lucky you are and know that you cannot take this woman for granted. I hope she realizes the same.
koreafied said:
Thanks, Angie! Good luck on your resolutions. May you keep them at least through January!